i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
