Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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