i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
