put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
