they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize