the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I pour the whiskey from now on
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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