There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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