Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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