Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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