He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
