Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I enjoy the company of your penis
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
