i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't deserve a penis
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
