imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
