Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
