dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
