i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
