I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
