ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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