Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
