Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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