If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
did i just pee glitter
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
