Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
