he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
high people should be assigned attendants
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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