My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
