obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
