Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
