i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize