Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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