i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
