I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
