hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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