You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
