Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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