Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
