We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
