I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I got inside last night via doggy door
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
