if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
bring money and cleavage
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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