at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I want a musical about memes.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
