Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
