I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
