His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
