I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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