he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
