Betty ford says i'm here all night
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
