Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think people are normalizing furries
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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