I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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