ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
