either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
