my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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