I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
