i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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