Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize