Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
