You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
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