Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
