If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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