You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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