Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize