Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
