good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
