What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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