I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
