I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
