I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
