No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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