He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
