He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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