I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
