we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My liver just had a heart attack.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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