Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
