If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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