wat bout pragnant strippers??
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
