girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
