I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize